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les enfants terribles [Sep. 2nd, 2008|02:22 pm]
Wise Tits

wise_tits

[jesuismeursault]
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |annoyedannoyed]
[Current Music |nofx]

a question occurred to me today whilst sitting and attempting to quietly read outdoors at a public park: what is there to do about other people's children? you know the kids i am talking about; the ones who are running, screaming through the grocery store, knocking into things, breaking them and not caring, while the parent is talking away on the cell phone nearby completely unaware or, even better, nowhere in sight. these are the children who are kicking the back of your seat on the airplane or in the theater, the ones who are screaming and throwing food at the restaurant, the ones who are running around on the bleachers and throwing grass in your general direction when you are trying to read quietly at the park. what to do about it? dirty looks don't usually work, because the parent is not taking care of the child in the first place, so he/she is surely not going to look at you. slapping someone else's kid is apparently against the law, so no help there. telling the kid to leave you alone rarely works, as the child doesn't listen to his/her own parent. it's maddening. the world is overrun with bratty, loud, inconsiderate brats and their lazy, wishy-washy, disinterested parents. what is a person to do?
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Comments:
From: d_h_belmont
2008-09-02 07:23 pm (UTC)

The Point System

A couple of coworkers and I were in development of creating a point system. See, we all work in retail, so we get to see the worst of the worst of people on a daily basis, but we started coming up with an idea to solve the problem by allowing "human hunting" and the worse a person is, the more "points" they have, which may be redeemable for tax write offs and such.

In the system, the children act as multipliers, and if they aren't behaved or getting disciplined, it adds points to their parents.

I don't think this has an answer, I'm afraid.

One thing that's really awful is when a child is just going nuts and the parent acts like it's cute. One incident involved my good friend (one of the co-workers) watching a child tug furiously on their mom's shopping cart. The fucking thing was going to tip over on him, and he politely warned the kid it was going to happen, and the mother gave him the meanest, ugliest, angriest glare at him, as if my friend did something horribly wrong.

Like the point system, where the more points will inevitably result in someone shooting you, perhaps it should be a system revolving around, if enough points are accumulated, they are hunted down and taken to the hospital where they must undergo mandatory sterilization so they can't produce any more annoying brats.

I've noticed in my experiences that the more obnoxious the child is, the dumber the parent is. Perhaps "kiddie traps" should be put in place. I remember watching this kid (this wasn't too bad, but it got annoying) constantly run over to this open display freezer, dig out the "snow" created by condensation, and eat it. I wanted to grab a bottle of ipecac and put a few drops in the stuff, so the next time he got another handful, he'd be in for a surprise. Kids need to learn if they act dumb, something bad will happen... but parents need to control their kids or leave them locked up in a tiny cage in the basement.
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[User Picture]From: jesuismeursault
2008-09-02 07:46 pm (UTC)

Re: The Point System

i like the idea of mandatory sterilization. i wish there was a switch to flip in order to be able to have children; that way you would be required to take a series of tests in order to be allowed to procreate. that would solve a lot of problems.

i think we should just willy wonka it and set up situations in which bratty children and crappy parents face strange, horrifying, irreversible, and hilarious punishments. because, as we all learned from the oompa loompa song concerning veruca salt, the parents alone are to blame when their kid is a brat.
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From: d_h_belmont
2008-09-02 08:02 pm (UTC)

Re: The Point System

HA! I've been saying the same thing about the "Switch", only I proposed it was the form of something biological that was released into the air or given to a person at birth, and the effects are otherwise harmless, and does not affect any other species, AND, it's easily reversable through an antidote, but only obtainable through passing a series of rigorous testing.

I'm all about hilarious punishments, too!

Wonder what Jonathan Swift would have said about our problem? Should we eat the bratty kids? My job in retail revolves around the meat department of a grocery store, and we've talked about sending the problem children through the saws and grinders a few times... and... um... apparently, the customers...er... don't appreciate us joking about it.
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[User Picture]From: jesuismeursault
2008-09-02 08:15 pm (UTC)

Re: The Point System

mrs. lovett would appreciate it, anyway, even if the customers didn't. as long as we are chopping up the kids, we must be sure to include the parents...

also, i love swift's a modest proposal. i remember reading it in high school and laughing aloud.
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From: d_h_belmont
2008-09-02 09:02 pm (UTC)

Re: The Point System

We talked about it and read it in my college writing class (sadly the only college class I ever took, and curiously, it was in my senior year in high school. The irony there is that I would eventually become a college drop out before graduating from high school. Long story there...), and most of the people were stupid enough to think that Swift genuinely thought people should eat children, even after the teacher talked about how he was poking fun at the Age of Reason, people STILL acted shocked and horrified.

People are funny.

I honestly don't recall my reaction. I hate to admit this, but all I can really remember about that class was wearing my jester's hat in that class and singing a very bad a capella version of Warren Zevon's "Excitable Boy" at the last day which was met with the same horror people felt with A Modest Proposal... oh, and getting really frustrated with MLA format and avoiding logical fallacies in my papers.
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[User Picture]From: jesuismeursault
2008-09-03 05:20 am (UTC)

Re: The Point System

i encountered swift's modest proposal in my ap english language class. i thought it was hilarious, but i understand satire and irony and just generally have a sense of humour. i did not believe that he was serious at any point. this was the case for about one other person in a class of twelve. everyone else was horrified and outraged. they spoke as though swift were in the room and could be condemned to hell if only they spoke harshly enough. the teacher attempted to explain that swift was not really suggesting that children be eaten, but this fell mostly on deaf ears. i was saddened by the discussion, though i felt i defended swift appropriately. it would not be the first time i was disappointed in this way, sad to say...
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[User Picture]From: jesuismeursault
2008-09-08 09:58 am (UTC)

Re: The Point System

yeah, even though i know it is not worth my time and trouble to try and explain things like satire and irony, i am just so shocked when people don't get it (especially when it is so obvious) and cannot help but attempt to work it out in a somewhat rational manner. this is my weakness and often the cause of my melancholy and aggravation at those around me. not fun. i need to just shrug it off, though it's physically painful for someone to make such an error in my presence. i just need to stop caring.
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From: you_lied
2008-09-03 01:48 am (UTC)
I think the best bet is to do something that will confuse/irritate/annoy whatever the kid or kids that are being obnoxious. Nothing comes to mind right this second as of how to do that, but it's also probably because it depends on the situation and what's going on to figure out what you're gonna do to make this successful. Just be creative. Might as well have fun with it since they are gonna be annoying either way.
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From: d_h_belmont
2008-09-03 04:16 am (UTC)
I suppose I could always replace ipecac with hot sauce or vinegar so there's a little less of a mess for the poor courtesies to clean up.
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[User Picture]From: jesuismeursault
2008-09-03 05:27 am (UTC)
my mother has a great answer to children racing by her in the store. she discreetly sticks out her foot. she's tripped many a child in my presence, so who knows what she does when she's alone. she will also say things to the parents without trying to be nice about it. i'm not nearly so daring. number one: i don't want to talk to these people. number two: i don't want to be prosecuted for causing one of these little brats to sustain a concussion or something.
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